So, I never thought I would use this blog to vent, but I really need to right now, so please bear with me.
First of all, I just want to say that I am happy to be a woman, I would never change being a woman and I do not believe in Women's liberation. Having said that, here's my vent:
I like to go to the gym everyday and am usually there from 1-2:30 p.m. There is always a group of guys playing basketball at the same time and I cannot pass up an opportunity to play. (I've played in pick up games with guys for years and it has never been a big deal.) About a week and a half ago, I decided to go in and play. They were all very nice and got me in to the very next game they were playing. As we started our game, I realized that a woman amongst this group of men never touches the ball! I was wide open a number of times with a lazy defender in front of me and received the ball only twice in the entire game. It was so frustrating to not be able to prove to them that I can play - they wouldn't give me the chance. I had to leave after that game to get my kids from the nursery, but I'll have to say my pride was a little hurt. The fact that they wouldn't even let me prove to them that I can play really bugged me.
I've seen them playing since then and have really wanted to get in there, but my pride hasn't let me . . . until today.
I got there before any of them so that I could warm up and take time to shoot the ball. I would say I was shooting close to 80% and was feeling pretty good about myself. When the group of guys all started filing in, I shared the court because obviously I wanted to play. I continued to shoot well and when they said it was time to shoot for teams, I thought "great, now I can earn my own way in - fair and square!" Four guys had already made the shot, three guys missed, and it was my turn - nothing but net! Yeah, I was in. One of the five on the first team. Well . . .that's what I thought anyway.
Next thing I know, a few more guys show up to play (which means, tough, you have to wait until the next game), but for some reason, they decide to shoot for teams again - WHAT?! What in the world for? We already earned our spot! We were there first, we made our shots first and we should be the first team to play. They conveniently put me in the 11th spot out of 13 spots to shoot for teams so it made no difference whether I made it or not, there were already 10 guys ahead of me and yes, they got to play. Well, when I noticed that none of the other guys thought this was unfair, I realized - they wanted me out. They were all so nice and said hey, we'll catch you on the next game, but man, I was ticked!!!!! I tried to not let it get to me, but when I realized that I only had 15 minutes before I had to pick up the children in the nursery and therefore, would not have time to play in the next game, I felt my anger rising! I was mad! I didn't storm out or anything, in fact, I didn't let the anger show, but my insides were fuming!
(I realize that they haven't seen me play and probably feel like I'll be a disadvantage to the team I'm on, but I watched them play and I'm sorry, aside from being smaller than them, I could probably out-shoot more than half of them! Oooooo - I'm bugged! Ugh! Argh! etc. etc.)
I should probably let it go and not try to play with them, but NO WAY! Not this girl! I am going to show them that women can play!! And I am going to have fun doing it! I am going to put the children in the nursery later than I normally do so that I will have plenty of time to play next time and if I have to wait until the second or third game - so be it! I will wait! I am going to prove myself and I am going to have fun doing it - and if it takes me a month or two to get established, great - I am up to the task!
That's all. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel better now (not really, but I will).
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13 comments:
You go girl!!! I would love to see the look on their faces when you show them up! I'm cheering for you!
Ooooh that would make me mad too! I used to go through the same thing when I played basketball in high school and every time I would play with guys I never even touched the ball. Don't give up!
I TOTALLY feel for you, and I know you're probably better than most of them...once you play with them you'll probably show most of them up! And it is typical male gym-code or something. You don't know how many times I have seen guys try to avoid playing with a "girl" when shooting for teams! But you'll show them. And when you do, you'll have to blog and let us all know how it goes!
GO! FIGHT! WIN! Look at you and your tenacity! LOVE IT! Kick some ego bootie with your basketball SKILLZZZZ, my mother of five friend!
Pretty soon they won't want you to play because you'll be showing them up and shooting the lights out! That is so frustrating. Good luck!
Way to go, Mindi! And I'm especially proud of you for not losing control and letting your anger get in the way. That makes anybody (man or woman) lose face.
I just have to say how gutsy I think you are--I love that you do not get intimidated and that you have such great self-confidence! You are one of my hero's!!!
Yes, I do want to hear how the 'rest of the story' goes when it happens. What an example you are for the rest of us!!
That would make me so mad! I can't believe that happened! Stick with it, they will soon learn to not mess with you! You go!
Mindi, here's a internet chest bump! So proud of you for not getting mad and especially for not giving up. I hope those mean boys (obviously not men)get a taste of your skills soon!!! :-)
You are my hero. I don't think their problem is that they don't think you can't play well enough to be with them. I think their problem is that they are worried about you kicking their butt! Keep that in mind as they continue to try to keep you out. :) And then go kick their butts all over the court - while still being your sweet amazingly not angry self. :) love you
Mindi,
I'm going to add this here--as well as on your blog. Thank you so much (and Becca and Keighty too) for your comments. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who--was--well--annoyed!
Mindi--thank you so much for sharing your experiences as well. You talked about something I wanted to discuss as well--although didn't want to make the blog any longer than it already was. On the opposite side of being single, I certainly don't think I can fully understand what it is like to be young or older, and married!!!! I've watched some very brave friends (like you) get married young, and have to "find themselves" (as that dumb commenter said) as a couple and as individuals. I've had many friends, like you, who have had a hard time having kids as well. I feel very similar to you--my heart and prayers so go out to members of the church in such circumstances!! My parents were unable to (physically) have more children after my youngest sister was born--until my mom had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 13 and almost died right before Christmas. But, my mom shared with us what it was like dealing with the realities of suddenly dealing with infertility--and how not understanding people were! She talked about years when she basically avoided holding babies cause it was too hard emotionally to do so. I can kind of understand that...I've avoided baby and wedding showers, or weddings before just because I didn't want to have to "face" those emotions again!
I used to believe that lie that being married would make life easier--and although I certainly have no idea how difficult marriage can be, with the small amount of observations I have been able to make (as well as knowing myself better year by year), I have realized that marriage can be hard--if not more difficult than being single. I know more than one general authority has basically said the same things. Marriage is no magic pill either--and certainly doesn't save us from trials! So thank you so much for saying that....as you stated beautifully what else I wanted to express.
Thank you also for sharing about your mom. My parent's ward in UT is (I believe) a beautiful ward because it is so diverse (for UT). One thing that has always made it diverse is the amount of widows and divorcees (mainly women) in it. And that's a whole other area where members of the church can be so, just dumb! I worked with a wonderful woman who was a divorcee--and we became really good friends. More than anything in the world she wanted to be a stay at home mom, and a "cookie" grandma--and yet had never been able to for more than a couple years because she always had to financially support her family. As her marriage ended, she luckily had a wonderful bishop who led her to some level of financial security (sort of), but she definitely sometimes described feeling like you mom does. How inferratingly (sp?) horrible that we do this to each other!!! Granted, none of us are perfect, and I know more than once I've eaten a foot or two--but still...how different life would be if we, as members of the Lord's only true church, could truly accept each other and our imperfect lives!
So, Mindi, thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. I have to say, I have NO idea the horrors you faced everyday dealing with waiting to have kids--and miscarriages and so forth since. I just recently had a "problem" that could effect such an area--and I tell you--it has taken much faith just to come to grips with that. I have NO idea what you went through! I'm glad you have been able to have kids--and are willing to share your joy with us all!
P.S. I totally say "go girl!" on your situation at the gym!
Mary P.
Way to go!! I would love to see these guys reactions to you kicking their booties! I loved seeing your pictures from high school. It totally takes me back to a day when I was in seminary counsel!! I was soooo righteous and spiritual!!! Ha ha ha!! :) I love reminising (is that how you spell that?).
-April
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